QUIT COMPLAINING

At Frisky’s Wildlife and Primate Sanctuary, you can tell what time it is in the evening by a noise.  Bimbee, a 37-year-old Weeper Capuchin monkey, starts banging a stainless steel spoon against the bars of her enclosure.  “It’s 8 o’clock—Where’s my frozen yogurt and fruit?  Let’s pick up the pace around here!  Can’t you people move aCny faster?” We just know that is what she is tapping out with her spoon.  She is accustomed to her evening treat and gets downright righteous about it!

Bimbi

In July, Baltimore was privileged to receive a visit from Dr. Fred Luskin, internationally acclaimed Forgiveness expert and author of Forgive For Good.  Dr. Luskin shared his 9 Step Forgiveness Intervention and many other gems of knowledge and heartfelt wisdom.  I have pages full of notes and I will summarize here what struck me the most.

We live in an “entitlement” culture.  One way to fool ourselves is to think that people owe us.  The truth is, nobody owes us a damn thing!

Because everybody feels “entitled”, people often are not thinking about how they could be kind to others. We are all waiting for someone to be kind to us.  It is what makes the beauty of someone doing something kind for us so profound!

 We live in a world where 2 billion people don’t have running water.  If you have $100.00 in the bank, you have more resources than most of the people on the planet. Abraham Maslow, Psychologist best known for his conceptualization of the “Heirarchy of Human Needs”, in the early 70’s before he died, said, “I am surprised at how little gratitude I see in a country that is free, relatively safe, and so full of opportunity.”

Dr. Luskin told us about a study done at the University of Chicago, where 180 people were asked to wear beepers that were set to go off several times throughout the day,  When the beeper sounded, they were to record what they were feeling and thinking at the time.  The results were astounding.  75% of the time, people were complaining---looking for what’s wrong.  Dr. Luskin said the simplest tool to fix this is Gratitude.  When we are focusing on “What’s right? For what am I grateful?” the tendency to complain dissipates.

In an Ezinearticles.com article entitled Complaining About Work?  Here’s the One Change You Need!, author Tom Richard lays it on the line for us.

 “Quit whining about the duties you are asked to do that aren’t listed in your job description. If you truly want to become a more valuable business person, you must learn to get over your silly self and do more than you are paid for. As Napolean Hill says, “The man who does more than he is paid for will soon be paid for more than he does.”

“YOU are the only one who has the power to change the value you provide for others, and the ability to increase the rewards you receive for that value. Do your job well and be proud of the service you provide. When you’re mediocre, your results will remain mediocre; but when you’re valuable, your rewards will be great!”

Chief Happiness Officer, Alexander Kjerulf, says that complaining becomes a habit. “The more you complain, the easier it gets.  In the end, everything is bad, every situation is a problem, every co-worker is a jerk, and nothing is good.”

Is it typical for primates, both human and non-human to complain?  Bimbee uses her spoon to make loud distracting noises.  We use our tongues to make loud distracting noises---isn’t that what a complaint is?

To break the habit, look for what is right.  Set that beeper or alarm to go off several times per day.  When it does, notice what you are thinking. Jot it down. If it is a complaint, then say AND……and record something that is right about the situation or person you are complaining about.

Gratitude attracts more things to be grateful for.  Bimbee, that tapping is Getting on my Nerves! AND you are so darn cute!

There’s always Another Way To See It.

Heather Wandell is a Certified Laughter Leader with the World Laughter Tour and is the CEO of her own company, Another Way To See It.  Heather is also the Director of Community Outreach at Friskys Wildlife and Primate sanctuary in Woodstock, MD, www.friskys.org..  She can be reached at haw@anotherwaytoseeit.com.  Visit her website at www.anotherwaytoseeit.com. If you would like to subscribe to Heathers monthly column, please send her an e-mail. Copyright © Another Way To See It 2008