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FUNNY LIFE EVENTS
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According to a study, the three
biggest fears that people in the U.S. have:
1. Fear of public speaking
2. Fear of dying
3. Fear of dying while speaking publicly.
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A young couple sent a friend a
playpen when their sixth child arrived. Her thank-you note took them by
surprise--"The playpen is just what I needed." She wrote, "Every
afternoon I sit in it and read, and the kids can't get near me!" That's
one way of dealing with the stress of motherhood. There are other ways
too.
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"It took me seventeen years to get
3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
--Hank Aaron |
"People say money is not the key
to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money,
you can have a key made."
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The National Board of Revenue in
Dhaka, Bangladesh, found a large container that was marked "scrap
metal" at a railway terminal. In fact, it was an importer's ploy to
avoid paying custom duties. Inside the container was a Mercedes
Benz, a Toyota car, and other luxury goods. Customs official,
Khairuzzman Chowdhury said if the import company wanted them to
think it was scrap metal, then they would make it scrap metal. His
office held a public ceremony and as witnesses watched, bulldozers
crushed the contents of the container. "They are not likely to
forget this. We can't be fooled," he said.
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I can tell I must be getting
older when my friends and I have conversations that go like this
(true story)!
It was a cold night in
November and I picked up my friend for a workshop that we had signed
up for. We started off down the road and she said, "Um, Heather, Do
you have heated seats?"
"Yes," I said. "Do you want me
to turn it off?"
"No," she said. "I just wanted
to make sure I didn't wet my pants!"
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The father glumly finished examining
his son's report card. "Well, one thing is definitely in your favor," he
told the boy. "With these grades, you couldn't possibly be cheating."
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My wife and I were happy for 20
years. Then we met.
----Comedian Rodney Dangerfield
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One organization gives new employees
a taste for their corporate culture by telling them their motto:
You don't have to be crazy to work here----we'll train you!
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One company plays
Pin-The-Tail-on-the-Donkey when celebrating employees birthdays at the
office. It reintroduces a childlike perspective!
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All Is Fair In Business
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own
opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and
announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign
of all over his own shop. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'
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Was heard on a
public transportation vehicle in Orlando: "When you exit this
vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If
you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language.
Thank You." |
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"I'm a gym
member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last
...twelve hundred times"
Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing on
Friends |
| I once read that
Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest. He came in
third.
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My 3 1/2 year old
nephew, Bryce, was sitting quietly in the family room watching cartoons.
His dad came in to tell him it was time to eat and asked him if he was
hungry. My nephew's reply was, "No thanks. I just ate a booger."
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My son was bummed after being told
by the doctor No Sports for two weeks and you need to wear this boot---so,
I found him a t-shirt at Target that reads "I do all my own stunts". We
got a good laugh!
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In 1961,
Henry Matisse's "Le Bateau" had been on display in New York's Museum of
Modern Art for more than a month before it was pointed out that the
painting was upside down!
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LIFE SIGNS
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A refrigerator magnet reads:
Turns out there is no award for alphabetizing your
spices.
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Unattended children will be served Espresso and
given a Free Puppy!
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This sign appears near the soccer
fields at our local community college---
"All Dogs Must Be On A Leash And
Pick Up After Dogs"
Our dogs are getting smarter and
more environmentally conscious!
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A gift bag reads "Way Cooler Than
My Kids Think I Am"
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EAT A PRUNE and start a movement
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Money is the root of all EVIL.
(Send $9.95 for more info.)
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As long as there are tests, there will
be prayer in public schools.
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A sign in Melford, Pennsylvania reads:
"Specializing in ear, nose, and throat. Office in the rear."
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This sign was seen in a hospital
corridor--
Notice
Due to current budget cutbacks, the Light at the end of the tunnel will
be turned off until further notice. |
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Teamwork is Essential!! It allows you
to blame Someone Else
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| Sign in a wallpaper
and paint store: "Husbands choosing colors must have notes from
their wives."
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| WARNING TO ALL
PERSONNEL...
Firings will continue until morale
improves.
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| I saw this on a T-shirt at Le
Gourmet Chef:
The only problem with Italian food is that you're
hungry again after three days!
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| My
aim is to keep this bathroom clean....
Your aim would help.
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| MARRIAGE is finding that
special someone you want to annoy the rest of your life.
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| Good judgment comes from
experience.....
Experience comes from BAD judgment.
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| Bumper Sticker:
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
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